Crazy night
by purplerocks
Summary: What happens when River and Simon get drunk, rated t for coarse language and alcohol After the BDM but Wash is still alive. Hey am back from the dead.
1. Chapter 1

So i redid this chapter I just went back an re read an fixed things and added somethings i would like to thank everyone for Reviewing i will get a new chapter up but still not sure when

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"River, we should really not be here, mei-mei" Simon told his now 18 year old sister as he was being dragged into the seedy looking bar that was in the not-so-respectable part of the Persephone docks.

"It is the anniversary of her birth and she wishes to spend it with her blood relation" was River reply as she lead him into the smoked covered room

"River I know but I do not understand why you would like to be here in this filthy place instead of on the ship were the others would have loved to throw you a party, that is if you would have let me tell them" he said as he made sure his body did not touch any surface, unless it was strictly necessary.

"Yes, but she wishes to be with Simon her brother not fake Simon who pretends for everyone else" River said as she looked into her loving brothers eye's, Simon tried to look else where

"She remembers the way you and Michael celebrated you're eighteen birthday she saw how happy you where and how for a second you wished you had a brother and not a sister" she whispered more to herself then to Simon, they were snapped out of there thoughts by a waiter who looked and smelled as if he lived in the streets.

"What can I get y'all " his tone said that he was bored out of his mind but River ignored him she was more focused on the turmoil that was happening in Simon's mind.

"The best Tequila, Whiskey, and Vodka you have, Please and Thank you " River ordered before her brother could say anything.

"She know what she dose " River said when she saw Simon was about to protest. The waiter's thoughts were annoying to River, he kept thinking that they did not know what they were doing and he did not trust them so he made up an excuse

"Little lady those are very expensive drinks an unless you can prove you can buy…" before the man could finish Simon put a wad of cash on his serving tray

"I believe this is enough to cover it" Simon said as he looked into Rivers eyes the waiter left without comment

"I am only doing this because it is your birthday but whatever happens stays between you and me." he than extended his pinky finger across the filthy table to her.

"You would have to swear" Simon said as he remember all the other promises that he had kept while growing up just because he had pinky sworn to his baby sister.

"She swears" River agreed happily as she linked her pinky with her brother's

The man with there order came back with three bottles which he reluctantly put down with some shot glass and a bowl of lemons and salt.

"y'all want anything else" the waiter asked while he took a closer look at his strange clients. The boy was in some fancy clothes that just scream Core but, the girl was wearing hand-me-downs, and he doubted that neither had ever even had a beer in there life much less the hard liquor he had just put in front of them but he was pay to serve an not question.

"Ok, River I guess we should first start with a drinking game. Close your eyes and pick a color, " Simon knew that he should be the responsible one but it was rare to have a moment where he and River were alone, Since Miranda River had been doing a lot better she was not as dependent on medication as before and was more lucid,Wash had even started to teach her how to pilot, River was even the co-pilot. But with Simon being romantically involve with Kaylee and him being the medic to a Captain that gets shot more often then not, it's a miracle for him to have a moment alone with his little sister, All Simon really wanted was for River to have fun, god knew she deserved it, so he threw all caution to the wind a let River have her wild night.

"She has chosen her spectrum of light, it is purpura" River said snapping him out of his thoughts

"Ok my is yellow, now every time you see the color yellow and every time I see purple we have to drink"

That is how the night that became know as "The Night of the Terrible Tams" Had started.

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Malcolm Reynolds hated to be waken unless it was a life or death situation and his crew respected that and they also knew that who ever did wake him for something trivial were doom to be in septic duty for a month, so when the loud banging at his door came he knew it was an emergency or it gorram better be.

"What in the gorram seven hell is it you want Zoë" was Mal's reply to his second in command as he made his way up from his bunk wearing nothing but his sleeping pants

Zoë did not even blink at her Captain's screams or his lack of proper clothing. She just waited until she was sure her captain was not going to say more

"Sir, I believe we have a situation " she said and started towards the cargo bay with Mal at her heels.

Mal 's still half-sleep mind was not ready for what awaited him in the cargo bay. Over the years Mal learned to hate being woken up with the word's _"Sir, I believe we have a situation "_ because whatever fallowed was never good, like that one time during the war when Zoe had woken him up with that exact phrase, only to find himself tide and left in the middle of a minefield, Or that other time when again Zoe woke him up with the dreaded words, next thing he knew he was being strip searched by some Alliance office, who was in charge of the POW camp he and Zoe later escaped.

None of those times had a patch on the surreality of this one, though

There on the cargo bay lay an unconscious Simon wearing nothing but a pair of cargo pants that were filthy and for some reason Simon was wearing bunny ears and next to him was an also unconscious River, who was dressed in a very sort skirt and a tube top and top it of she had a pair of Kitty Cat Ears on her head. But was more interesting was the bags of money they seem to be using as mattresses

"Huh " was his only responses he could say. He turn to Zoë expecting answerer but she looked as confused as he felt . Simon snuggled closer into the money while mumbling

"Monkeys took my money " Zoë was about say something when Wash's voice interrupted her

"Mal, you would not believe what I just read in the cortex, some crazy people broke into the Persephone Royal Casino's vault and took a lot of money the stupid Alliance has no idea who it was they think it was inside job because it was flawless and …" He stopped mid sentence when he saw Simon and River "…and I guess I am the get way driver for the savvy criminals"

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Please tell I should continue this, it is kind of like therapy so i can think of something to do about my writers block have for my others stories. One- shot but mite continue if I get review


	2. Chapter 2

OK this cheaper 2, thanks for the reviews

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Ch2

Wash still could not believe what he was seeing, the person who he thought was nothing more then a stiff, no-fun-good-too-shoes doctor ,that did nothing wrong, yet there he was lying in a drunken stupor on top of a pile of stolen cash, not to mention the fact that he was wearing nothing but a pair of back cargo pats an bunny ears, this new image just did not go with the Simon he knew, he just could not wrap his mind around it he turn to his wife to see if she had some kind of answer but she seem just as confused as him,

"Limy toes why was I not told about this " Wash asked his wife once he found his voice,

"Because honey I was also not told, Captain is there something you forgot to tell me" Zoë asked Mal, her voice was as calm as ever

Mal answered back still not being able to take his eyes off the huge pile of money that was tall enough to swim in

"I have no rutting clue Zoë, whatever the good doc and the little witch did last night, I had no part in, " his voice getting higher with each word by the time he finish he was almost yelling, before he could say anymore he heard Simon stir

"Would you please stop yelling, some people are trying to sleep here, and would some one please turn the fuking lights off they are blinding" Simon said as he promptly turn on his stomach and feel back asleep, totally ignoring the shocked crew

Mal, Zoë and Wash were to shock to say anything, they have never heard the Doctor swear.

"Ok, Who is this evil Simon impersonator and what has he done to the real Simon" Wash asked his wife in the lowest whisper he could manage, he was actually afraid of Simon, something he thought would have never happened.

But before anyone could say anything, they turn to the sound of Kaylee coming down the stairs.

"Hey Cap, I was wondering if we could get a new….Wow" Mal was surprise to actually hear Kaylee be shock into speechlessness he never thought it would happen

Kaylee did not know what to make of the scene, but was glad she decided to talk to the captain now instead of later like she had planned. Her eyes kept drifting to the almost naked Simon, she had never thought he was very muscular but she could see she was dead wrong, his clothe hid his well define abs, an surprisingly wide shoulders and his chiseled chest that just begged to touched. But when she looked to the other sleeping figure she had trouble recognizing that it was River, first time Kaylee had not seen River wearing someone else's hand-me-downs but, know she was wearing a skirt and tube top that can only be describe as nightclub clothes , for the first time that Kaylee could remember River did not looked like a little girl instead she looked like a young woman, She was so caught up with her thoughts that she did not hear what Mal asked.

"Little Kaylee do you have any light to shade on this here development?" Mal whispered to Kaylee, who was now standing by the pilot,

"No, but is Simon not cute enough to eat, I would not mind running…" Kaylee started with and almost dazed look but was quickly stopped by the captain

"Don't you even think about finishing that sentence" Mal said as he formed a course of action in his head once he decided what to do he said to Wash,

"Wash go get Jayne and please keep and eye on the cortex for any new on this" Mal said as he waved his had on the two sleeping figures. Wash hurriedly made his way to the bridge.

"What is the plan" Zoë asked Mal as she went to help him with Simon

"First we get this two up and conscious and make them tell us what they did " Mal said as he bend down to pick up the sleeping Simon who was starting to move around a bit, as he got closer he notice other details that he missed before, like the fact that there was a pair of broken handcuffs on his wrists and behind the pile of money were some bottles of booze and also he seem to have bruises all over his body as if he was in a fight, his knuckles where also bloody, but what most shocked him was that when he turn him over there was a tattoo on upper right shoulder of a dragon that was in a circle around the words Serenity in Chinese.

"The doctor sure had a wild night" was his only comment as he and Zoë carried the sleeping young man to the dining area. As they were going up the stairway they saw Jayne

"Wash said y'all needed me " he said, he seem a little shock to see Simon's drunken condition

"What is wrong with the doc, " he asked,but he already had a pretty good idea the smell of alcohol could be smelled down the highway it was as if the doc had bathe in it, but Jayne didn't comment on it, it was high time the pansified Core brat did sume thing fun.

"We don't rightly know, you go get his sister, she is sleeping in the cargo bay" Mal said without furthered warning so nobody could blame Jayne for his reaction.

As Jayne was to deep in his thought wandering about dinner to have seen the scene that awaited him in the cargo bay until he was right in front of it.

"Holy mother of Buddha" was the only thing he could say.

In his lifetime Jayne had been to many brothels and seen many exotic things but he never seen anything as sexy as River Tam wearing a very short skirt with a top that was nothing more than a bra and kitty cat ears while laying on a pile of cash and as he got closer he noticed something thing that made his pants a little tighter , she was wearing broken handcuffs as if they were jewelry on both her wrist an also close to her hand almost invisible because it was half buried in money the handle of a gun. Here in front of him where his favorite things money, a beautiful woman, and a gun. He could nothing more than stare.

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Simone's head was pounding and his whole body seem to be sore specially his ribs for some odd reason and his mouth tested like the floor of a bar, he tried to go back to sleep but could not because his bed did not feel right, he turned over trying in vain get more comfortable but there was something different about his bed, to bumpy, he tried to move around but no matter what he did he could not get comfortable. He tried to open his eyes but it would seem somebody had glued them shut, he tried again and this time he managed to get them open but every thing was blurry and of what he could make out it seemed the was in the sofa in the dining room instead of his room he also made out the shapes of Mal and Zoë sitting at the at table having a pretty intense conversation. He tried to say hello but his voice did to work either, he tried again an managed to get a squeak out that time, Zoë and Mal became aware he was no longer asleep, Simon head was still groggy as he tried to sit up but ended up on the floor for some odd reason

"Cap, Zo, why is my face on the floor, and where the monkeys go" was Simon's only response that he could produce for the captain and first mate. Mal and Zoë did nothing but looked at each other as they broke out laughing.

"Well, we was wondering that our selves" Mal said to Simon who was still on the floor

"You have some story telling to do Simon" Zoë told the down Doc as he tried to sit-up

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please review and tell if is ok


	3. Chapter 3

_i forgot to this in the other chapters I own nothing and Joss is boss (like it really needs saying*rolls eyes*)_

_So sorry for delay please forgive me and thanks so much for review i will update sooner and i still have no idea how long this is going to be since it was only supposed to be one shot_

**_P.S ever thing writhing like this is a memory_  
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Ch 3

Jayne was shocked out of his thoughts by Mal's voice on the P.A system

"Jayne , What in the gorram hell is taking you so long in delivering River to the common room " Mal had been waiting on Jayne and River since the Doc had woken from his alcohol induced slumber.

Jayne quickly made his way to the com to answerer

"Sorry got distracted" Jayne said still a little distracted by River

"Well get undistracted and bring her here, the doc won't say anything unless she is here" Mal said nothing more as he hanged-up.

Jayne looked at the sleeping figure, and tried to think up away to get her to the dinning area without him doing something stupid.

"Mite as well just do it fast without thinking, just like pulling a bullet" Jayne mumbled to himself as he made his way towards her.

Jayne picket up River bride style without waking her up. She even snuggled closer to him, in a fashion that made him painfully aware of her, he was surprised on how light she was, so he tried to focus on that and not on how her already short skirt had risen up, or on how she smelled like apples and strawberries.

The walk from the cargo bay to the dinning area had never seem so long to Jayne, once he go there he was greeted with the strangest sight he had ever witness it even made him forget he was still carrying a sexyfied River Tam.

Simon shirtless and wearing bunny ears sitting with and angry Captain on the table, he had to stop an blink acouple times to make sure his eyes weren't fooling him.

"Ahh. Were y'all want Crazy " Jayne asked

"Lay her on the sofa, and you and Kaylee store away our new cargo" Mal said without taking his eyes off Simon

"You mean the cashy money right " Jayne said trying to keep his eyes on Mal an not on River. He wanted to protests because he wanted to see the stuck up doc being grilled and he was a tab curious as to what the Doc and the co-pilot were up to, but the look on Mal's face discouraged him.

He and Kaylee found empty storage crates and started to put the money in there either had ever seen so much money in there life

"How much money do you think it is, imagine how many strawberries we could buy" said an over exited Kayleey as she put wads of money way

"Guess we was wrong about the doc being useless" Jayne answered

He could not get River out of his head as he and Kaylee put handfuls of money into empty storage containers**_._**

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Simon had made it to the chair on the dinning table with the help of Mal but he could barely hold himself up because of his sore ribs, He refused to say more because of his promise to River and because he could hardly remember himself. He was shocked out of his thoughts by Mal's harsh tone

"OK. Your sister is right there know tell me what you did "

Simon tried remembering how he came to look and feel like a boxing chap who had just gone ten rounds, he closed his eyes trying to remember but, the whole night was blurry and it was coming to him in bits and pieces.

"_**You're turn brother " River said slurring her words **_

"_**What do you mean River" Simon said having trouble focusing on her **_

_**River smiled sweetly and pointed at something behind Simon,**_

" _**The man over there is wearing purple" She said **_

_**The man in question was at lest 6'7 and had more muscles then Jayne, he was bald and he was covered in tattoos. He was wearing a leather vest that could be purple as River said but to Simon it looked more of blue then purple.**_

"_**River, he is not wearing purple " he slurred to his sister **_

"_**"He is, too!" **_

_**"He is not!" **_

_**"He is too!" **_

_**"He is not!" **_

_**"Maybe the lighting is messing with your eyes ge-ge!" River said to her brother **_

_**"And maybe you can not hold your alcohol and it has impaired your ability to tell color Mei-mei!" Simon replied **_

_**" There is not need for you to yell, and just because am winning dose not make it alright for you the to yell !" River said angrily**_

_**" Wow River you are an angry drunk but, there is a simple wa**__**y **_**_to solve this dilemma we cam just ask him" Simon said getting on his less then steady feet . He made his way towards the bar and taped the man in question on the shoulder._**

**"_Excuse me _****" _Simon said slurring his words_**

**_The whole bar grew quite as they were all paying attention to the ,obviously core man, that had dared disturbed Jack Stravis, a well known mercenary. Simon was completely unaware of the attention so he continued when he was sure the man was listening to him _**

**"_But is the vest you are wearing purple it is rather a feminized but …" before he could finish asking the man growled out _**

**"_What you say boy" _**

**"_Well you are not deaf so I presume you are rather slow, is- the- vest- you-are-wearing" Simon said in an exaggerated slow voice, but he was not allowed to finish as the man bellowed_**

**"_Now I'm gona break you're neck! "_**

**"_No need for violence I just wanted to know if you're are wearing a girly vest or not" _**

**"_I put twenty on Jack Stravis" Simon heard someone from the bar say _**

**_before Simon could look for the speaker, the man punched him on the side of his face, Simon stumbled back and hit the pool table with a thud , he saw the man running for him and as he came at him Simon graved the first available weapon and swung. The pool cue hit the man so hard it broke, he man collapsed as if he was a puppet with his stings cut _**

**"_Jayne, is right this do make good weapons " it was the last thing Simon said before all hell broke loose_**

**_River was surprise at her brothers actions, she knew it was not going to end well the moment Simon said the words _****afeminized _to the man. When people started throw things she went to help her brother but was trapped in her own skirmish._**

**_Meanwhile Simon was trying to avoid being use as a punching bag when a the sound of a __shotgun_****_ being fired made everyone in the bar stop in there tracks._**

**"_Who started this here brawl in my bar " said a man who was standing on a table holding a rather large shotgun. Everyone in the bar pointed at Simon and River it would have been comical if it was not for the serious look on the owners face_**

**"_We don't much care for trouble makers" the man said as two man half carried- dragged Simon and River out the doors and threw them out on the dirty streets._**

**"_And don't you come back" said the man as he threw them there coats_**

**"_I had a hat you know!!" a still drunk and confused Simon yelled at the now closed back door of the bar._**

**"_Simon, you do not own a hat" River said a little more sober than her brother_**

**"_Are you sure" asked a still confused Simon_**

**"_Yes, and what are we to do next, brother" asked River _**

**"_I don't know, we spent most of our money to buy the drinks….wait we did not even get to finish them" Simon whined, River smiled devilishly as she pulled a full bottle of vodka form some where _**

**"_I managed to grabbed this during the confusion" she said still smiling_**

**"_That is great but,…hey, you said I " Simon said surprised that River was not speaking in third person_**

**"_but, back to the topic, I do not think drinking more is a good idea" he said trying to be the responsible adult again_**

**"_I what to go to the zoo" River said randomly, Simon forgot what he was saying,_**

**"_uh, what" was all he could say_**

**"_She, I wishes to go the zoo" River said momentarily sidling back to third person_**

**"_It is close" Simon responded back_**

**"_lets go anyway" River said not really listening to her ge-ge_**

**"_But, we could get in tro…" Simon was interrupted by his sister_**

**"_We could break in, an we could have it to our selves" River said getting exited about her plan the more she thought about, it had been ages since she and Simon went on a family outing to the Zoo. But she could tell her brother was having second thoughts, but before he could say more she pressed the bottle to his lip, Simon took two big gulps of vodka and was again mellow and forgot for a second where he was._**

**"_Lets go to the Zoo" River said to the Dazed Simon_**

**"_Sure why not " Said Simon, he knew it was a bad a idea but he could not remember why, and he honestly could not bring himself to care. He then helped river to her feet and they both started to walk towards the Zoo. _**

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Simon opened his eye's to find a shocked and silent crew. Somehow over the time it took to tell the things he remember the whole crew had gather in the dining room with the exemption of Wash

"Wait, Wait, Wait you fought Jack Stravis, _The Jack Stravis, the notorious mercenary and you are alive_" Jayne interrupted the silence that had fallen on the room.

"Yes, no, I don't know all I know was that was the name the people were calling, and cheering I mite add, the man that did his best to kill me" and exasperated Simon said

"Ok what else do you remember" Mal said

"I don't know I remember getting to the zoo but then my memory goes fuzzy, maybe River remembers " as he finish this everyone look towards the sleeping girl.

Wash decided to come into the room that moment

"Hey sorry for interrupting the look-intently-at-River thing but, I mite have found something, Mal you said to look for information on the Cortex about stolen money but so far they still have no leads or suspects but I found something interesting there was report of the Persephone Zoo, get this, some one broke in a vandalized it" Wash was laughing, he totally ignored the surprises and accusing looks everyone was soothing Simon.

"What is so funny Wash" Mal asked his pilot

"Mal the things the vandals did are well is like the best particle joke of the century" Wash ignored Simon's look of fear and continued remembering what he read on the Cortex,

"Well first they drugged the guards and dressed them in dresses and put them in the penguin exhibit," Wash could barely contain his laughter as he continued "then they switched all the animals from there cages, they put the monkey, which they dressed in fancy clothes first, in the bears exhibit and so on, they also put all the sings up-side down and well you get the picture but the biggest thing they did was " by this point Wash was laughing so much he could almost not continue with the story "they blew the 30 foot statue of the Alliance emblem to a smoldering hole and spray painted, on the northern wall, in big bold letters " before he could tell the rest he was interrupted by Simon

"_The Alliance Sucks_ in red " a shell -shocked Simon said looking at his hands like they were the most interesting thing in the world

"How you know" Wash asked kind of mad that he stole his thunder

"Because I wrote it" Simon said look at the red spot of paint in his hand, _at least I now know how I got it_ he thought

"Your story just gets better and better don't it " Mal said

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Again sorry for the delay but i been busy, please read and review


	4. Chapter 4

So sorry of the delay but things have a habit of popping up on the most inconvenient of times. so pleas forgive me and R&R

P.S i don't own firefly or characters Joss is boss

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"OK, what exactly do you remember after the zoo" Mal asked trying to keep is voice calm

"I don't know it is rather blurry after that" Simon said looking at his hands

Mal was getting pretty tired of hearing "_I don't remember" _from the good doctor and the bunny ears were not help him stay calm

"Well, you best be remembering and fast" Mal said as he yanked Simon's bunny ears off

Simon looked like he was about to punch Mal but instead he said in a very calm voice

"I do not think is fair for you to get angry with River and me for getting drunk and bringing you money when the last time you got drunk you married some crazy woman who tried to kill all of us, not once but twice" Simon said finally getting tired of Mal's accusations

Mal kind of expected Simon to yell but his calm voice sounded more dangerous then ever before, instead of answering him he just stared at the doctor, he expected the doc to look way first but Simon did not he held his gaze until Wash interrupted them

"Sorry to interrupt your little staring contest but, I think we should all calm down and figure something out " Wash interrupted the two angry man

Mal knew that Wash was right so without taking his eyes off Simon he said,

"Wash, call Inara an ask if she has heard anything"

"On it, Capt" Wash said as he left for the bridge

"Sir, Should we not leave as soon as possible" Zoë said after her husband left

"If we leave to soon it mite make us look like untrustworthy criminals" Mal answered while taking a seat in his usual spot.

"I should get breakfast started " Kaylee said interrupting the silence that had gathered on the remaining crew as she made her way to the kitchen she could not help but to think of Simon's naked chest as she reached the top cupboard for a pan a huge duffel bag came at her

She managed to avoid being hit whit it, the bag landed with a heavy thud as it hit the floor

"little Kaylee are you alright?" asked Mal as he looked at Kaylee's surprised face

"Whose box is this anyway? " asked a little pissed-off Kaylee. No body said anything

"It is mine" River's small groggy voice came from the sofa.

"Why is it in the kitchen Lil' albatross?" Mal asked the half-sleeping River

"Closest and best place of concealment" she said as she tried to make her way to the table without falling. Simon helped his usually graceful sister into one of the chairs

"Concealment? Concealment for what?" Simons asked his sister

River looked at the bag that Mal put in the table she knew there was something important but could not remember what so she just shrugged.

"You have no idea do you, Mei-mei" said an exasperated Simon

"We should open it and see what is in side" Zoë said from her place

The bag was in the middle of the table, the whole crew expect Wash, and Inara were gathered an were looking at it. Before Mal could open it Wash walked in

"Mal, Nara said that she will be arriving soon, Hey what's with the bag" he asked as he sat in the chair next to his wife.

"We don't know, its River" Mal said to the now nervous Pilot

"Nothing is going to go boom in there will it?" Wash asked River who was for some reason playing with a fork.

River looked at him just shrugged and ignored him as he looked at the mysterious bag

"So, there could be something unpleasant in there, aren't you just full of surprises?" asked a now nervous Wash

"Blurry, Fuzzy head full of cotton" She answered as if it explained everything, still spinning the fork between her fingers she said

"There are forty-two ways to maim or kill someone with a fork" River said in her creepy-song voice

"Let's just open the bag" Mal said trying to ignore the creepy child that he let co-pilot his ship, he was to focus on unzipping the bag to have heard Inara walked in

"So, what stupid thing did Mal do this time" She said as she came into the room, Mal was not expecting her and practically jumped when he heard her voice

"Bwahhh, Gorramet woman what have I said about sneaking up on me like that" Mal yelled at a grinning Inara

"Well sorry, but if I do recall correctly you said not to do it while you had a weapon" she said while trying not to stare at Simon's and River's choice of clothes

"Well what do you call this" Mal said as he put his hand on the gun he always carries with him

"Are we gona open the bag or not " Wash whined to his wife when the Captain and Companion kept fighting

Mal gave him a death glared an went back to opening the bag the whole crew held there breath as he finally opened It, Mal could not believe his eyes, every priceless jewel he could name was inside that bag. There were diamonds, rubies, emeralds, sapphires,golden necklaces, bracelets, silver rings. And any other pretty he could imagine,

"Wow, Mal you don't get in trouble halfway" Inara said when she saw all the beautiful jewels.

The rest of the crew was speechless, only Jayne seemed unaffected but he was not really paying attention, he tore his eye's away from River when he heard the others gasps of surprise and the words jewels.

"This was Simons handy work actually" Wash said

Inara looked surprised and with new eyes looked at the caring doctor who was at the moment asking his sister if she needed anything Jayne

"Crazy could have done it" Jayne said still not believing that the good doctor could do any crime,but he could be wrong after all he never believed the doc's crazy sister could look all grown-up. He knew she was pretty but she always looked like a child playing dress-up in her hand-me down's so it was easy for Jayne to see her in a none sexable woman fashion, but when he saw her looking like a every bounty hunter wet dream his resolve to not think on River in away to get him spaced dissolved completely, before he could continue his thoughts,Zoe did something surprising, she agreed whit him

"Well, Jayne dose have a point Sir, It is more likely that River did this and Simons was just fallowing "Zoë said as if Simon and River where not there

"Yea, Simon just doesn't have the guts for this" Wash said fallowing his wife example of taking as if the Tams weren't there

River knew that the crew had little faith on Simon's criminal skills but they did not know him as she did and it annoyed her when they insulted him

"Pretty mask for all to see ,but you never know the face underneath, even the pretties of flowers can be poisonous" River said to the crew. For some reason that little statement sent a shiver down Mal's spine he could not decided if it was a threat or a warning. The whole crew grew silent again

Simon of course knew what his sister was trying to tell the crew but he decided to change the subject, using the silence he asked his sister

"River,mei-mei, what do you remember from last night " he asked trying to ignore the crews eyes burning on the side of his face.

After Miranda River had gotten better at blocking thoughts and was able to distinguish her thought from those of the crew an she has even been able to speak somewhat normal. She sometimes slipped back to using third person or say off the wall things when she got excited or nervous but this morning it was hard to keep the other thoughts out of head tanks to the alcohol,

"She recalls asking for another alcoholic beverage, Simon being involved in a quarrel, then visiting the zoo, and having tea whit the cercopithecoid primate.," River paused to think, every one looked confused

"Fancy way of saying monkeys" Jayne said to the puzzled crew which of course where know more confused that he knew what it meant.

"Jayne is correct" River said off-handed as if Jayne knowing big words was no big deal,

"Leave it to River to talk smart when she has hangover" Kaylee said trying to get back to the story.

River was not listening she was to busy recalling her birthday.

"Changing clothe, and getting arrested " River continued without stopping.

"Wait we got arrested" Simon exclaimed when he heard the words come out his sisters mouth, River gave him the You- Are- Such-A- Boob look and shook the broken handcuffs that were on her wrist in front of his face

"I forgot I had those on" Simon said looking at his own matching pair of handcuffs

"Could one of you remove them?" Simon asked the crew

"Here hand me your writs" Wash said as he took a paper clip from his pocket and without asking took a bobby-pin from Kaylee's hair and before anybody could ask what was he doing he had both handcuffs of the doctor's wrist. Everyone was looking at him with astonishment

"What! flight school is more interesting them people think and that is all am saying" Wash said to the crew and refused to say more

River ignored them and closed her eyes trying her hardest to remember the events after the Zoo

* * *

"_We should get going before the policed come, Simon_" _River said to her brother who still holding the matches he used to ignite the explosives that left a crater in the middle of the zoo. _

"_I think you mite have a point there" Simon said to his sister when he heard the sirens of the police. They made there way to the front of the zoo but gate was locked, River, without a second, thought made her way up the gate as if she was a spider Simon tried to do the same but he was no as good as his sister. Simon had gotten his pant's stuck on the gate  
_

"_River am stuck " Simon staged whispered to his sister who was about to leave without him _

"_Great, here hold on to my hand " River really could not believe this she could sense the police officers getting closer to where they were, she managed to get Simon to hold on to her hand as she used all her weight_ _to pull her brother the rest of the way down there was a ripping sound of Simon's pant giving way were they had caught _

"_Haaaaa" Simon landed with a thud at the base of the fence his pants were now ruined __but before he could complained his sister grad him and pulled him in to the closest and darkest alley she could fine ._

"_That was exhilarating" River said to her brother the moment her heart had come down enough for her to speak_

"_River we were almost caught, I admit it was fun to detonate the explosives, but what if someone had gotten hurt" Simon said coming down from the mellow felling the vodka had made him had but it was wearing down. River knew that if she did not get some type of alcoholic beverage__ her fun brother would be gone _

"_Stay here I will procure some clothing" River said noticing that her brother's pants were falling apart as they spoke. Simon noticed that River was tying not to laugh he looked down at himself and noticed that his pants were no more then dirty rags being held together by his belt. Simon also noticed that his once white button down shirt and vest were know stained, ripped, and he even had some blood smears_ _on them. Rivers was no better off her once blue dress__ was almost tatters and was just as stained as his clothing.  
_

"_I think you are right" Simon said as he saw his sister leave the alley in search of clothing for them _

_River had been wondering around the dark deserted streets of the shopping district that ,was flowing with life in the daytime,but was a ghost town at night, and had still not found a opened store. In only been ten minutes since she left Simon but her feet where already complaining , River stated to notice that at the end of the streets there were a bunch of red Chinese lanterns that were hanging off building. Dark streets gave away to brightly decorated streets and desolated streets were now bustling with vendor__s selling anything from jewelry to substances that were illegal. For a second all the buzzing feelings and thoughts left River without breath she had to focus a lot harder here than before but she soon gain her strength back. _

_This was what the locals referred to the red light district, River had heard of such places but she herself had never been there. Rivers knew it was a place where man and woman came to gamble and/or meet prostitutes or acquire other forms of recreation . _

_River had not trouble finding a clothing stored open this late in this part of town. But most stores seem to only have clothing that seem to be made of only a couple of inches of cloth put together. After her third try at a store she finally found one that had modest clothes, which meant they covered more then just a few inches of skin. River had forgotten that she had no more money on her person so she decided to do something that Jayne would do._

_River headed outside of the store and pick pocked one of the many fined dressed man, that were tying to hide the fact that if you looked close enough at there faces you realized you seen them on the cortex preaching about the evils of such places as the red-light district, as River opened the wallet she just lifted with such ease, A happy sigh escaped her lips as she found the credit chip. She discarded the rest of the wallet in a close by trashcan and headed back into the store with she realize it was ironically called _

"_What Good Girls Ware "_

_She went inside the store were all the customers seem to look her way the moment she walk inside, some looked away the moment they realized she was not a man and other saw her as competition, River quickly dismissed some of the less then nice thoughts and went to the racks were she saw her size, she found a black jean skirt that came to just above her knees, it went great with a silky tube top she choice since the store had nothing but tube tops. River went to sales lady since she did not seem to find the man' s department_

"_Excuse me, but do you sale any man's clothes" River asked trying to sound normal, the sales lady was blond and tall and had too much make up but it seem to fit her and she had a rather large buxom. But her thoughts were warm and kind, River liked her right way _

"_Well, hun don't worry I'll help you, let me guess one of your clients is into that sorta thing, oh by the way am Mary Lee but you can call me Lee " the blond lady reminded River of Kaylee because of how bubbly she was, before River could speak the woman came to her sided and started to guide her to the back of the store._

"_No, they are for my brother" River managed to stutter out  
_

"_Oh, you are not here to buy "business clothes"?" Lee asked the young girl by her side she suspected as much she seem to pure to be in the traded and was glad the one thing she hated most was seeing young girls in the same line of business she was in _

"_No she, I and my brother got into a little problem and we need to procure some new garments" River tried to ignored some of the sadder thoughts that had crosses the nice woman's mind._

"_Well don't you worry Aunty Lee will help you"_

_

* * *

_

"What in the Gorram Hell were you doing in the Read Light District_" _Mal yelled at River still no being able to believe his little albatross was in such a place

"As she said she was procuring clothing for her and Simon" River said exasperated that she was being interrupted

"Getting drunk, getting in bar fights and then going to whore central, I knew it, Jayne is contagious_" _Wash said to the sullen silence that had fallowed Mal's little out bust

"Wanna go little man" Jayne said when he realized he was being insulted

"Jayne how many time do I have to tell you , only if it is somewhere nice" Wash responded . Jayne got rally angry an was about to hit the Funny little man when Mal yelled

"Anyone who is not telling a story shut up" Mal said to his crew

Taking the opportunity, while everyone was distracted, Keylee asked Simon

"Simon what were you doing in that alley?" Simon was caught of guard by the question he had to think about it

"Well, I remember River leaving and being in a cold deserted alley but a much more is kind of blurry " He whispered back he thought back to the alley

* * *

_Simon had been waiting for what seemed hours for his sister but he knew that it had only been 20 minutes since she left. He was getting worried but he knew he could not go out looking for her wearing the pants he had Simon would get more attention then a fugitive wanted. Simon sat in the alley trying to thinking about a way to go and fined his sister without people noticing his lack of proper clothes . _

_It was getting colder by the minute and Simon's clothing did nothing to protect him from the chill of the nigh, he looked around trying to find something to keep him warm when he spotted the bottle of vodka on the floor by him, it still had half of it, Simon debated whether it was a good idea to drink it or not for a couple of minutes but at the end the cold won and he took a large swallow. It burn going down his throat, and filled his body with warmth he felt much better and drank another rather big swallow that warmed him from his toes to his ears, he was about to take another gulp, when he heard footsteps coming from the other side of the alley_

"_River what took you so long I was ….." Simon did not finished his sentence when he noticed that the person that was coming was to big to be is sister. He wanted to run but he found him self unable to move. As the figure got closer he started to make out more details of the person they were his height but they seem to have a little more muscle to them they were walking calmly towards him.  
_

_Finally the person was close enough to see there face. He seem to be Simon's age, there was something off about they way they walked it seem to slow and for some reason he did not appeared to have seen Simon even when he was three feet from his face. _

_Working the E.R had made Simon almost an expert at detecting people who where under the influence of some drug so, when the man got closer and Simon notice his eyes were dilated, hand were shaking, and his nose and eyes were rimed red he knew the man was probably using Red drops a very addicted drug. Without a second thought Simon put his leg out tripping the man. The man did not even notice when he hit the ground much less when Simon traded his ragged and ripped pant's for his that were in slightly better condition. Simon felt kind of guilty but maybe this would make the man see the consequences of his actions. _

_Simon left the dark alley and started to look for his sister but his mind was stating to become more mellow and he was not as much in a hurry as he knew he should have been. He was walking in the desolated shopping district of Persephone when he came across the widow display of a jewelry store . There in the window was a beautiful diamond_ _necklace with a little silver firefly hanging from it._

"_River would love it " Simon though, since he had gotten her nothing for her birthday, maybe tomorrow I could come back and get it for her. But when he looked at the price his hopes where crushed, he did not make the asking price in a whole month. He was about to continue on his way when he hard a crashing sound coming from inside the store, he looked past the display cases__ and saw three man wearing black clothing and matching ski masks,braking glass boxes and stuffing jewelry inside a over sizes duffel bag. They gave Simon's inebriated mind an Idea._

_Going behind the building he found the back door open , once inside he found the would be thieves._

"_You guy are idiots," Simon said coldly and a little shakily as he walked towards them, he graved a mop as he went by it and with a snap of his foot he broke the mop part of it leaving only 5 foot rod. The man laughed at him _

"_What are you doing here kid, let me guess you wanna play hero?" The tallest of the trio said as he drew a nasty looking gun from his side, Simon did not even blink he was too busy trying to keep his balance. _

"_Is that a Beretta u22 Neos LR with a six inch barrel ten round capacity low blade front sights and adjustable rear sights? " Simon asked the man while trying not to fall since the alcohol seem to be finally taking full affect._

"_Uh yea, no… what?" the man holding the gun said confused _

"_My father liked to collect guns and one of my crew mates likes them too, I never did like them much them seem so impersonal" Simon said still walking closer the man _

"_I don't rutting care, leave know boy or I pump you full of lead" the man said gruffly getting a little nervous of the unstable man that seem to be unafraid of the three rather large man holding rather intimidating guns._

"_No, how about you leave?" Simon slurred back. _

"_look kid let me break it down for you, there is three of us and one of you, and we are all holding guns" the said the shorter of the trio_

_Simon looked at them and they reminded him of the boy's in his kindergarten class who bullied him and what his father told him. _

"_I know I don't look like much ,but let me tell you, My father hated me so much he put me in mix martial-arts since I was old enough to walk, he said it was to teach me discipline, but I think he just wanted to see me get my ass kick every day for the rest of my life for his own sadistic enjoyment, even when I reached my goal of becoming a surgeon he still made me continue with my "training" I am pretty good I even defeated all my sensei that I ever had" Simon's voice was full depressed anger._

_The thieves looked at each other trying to think of a way to get rib of the crazy guy. Simon took there momentary distraction and sprung into action he swing the road around his body spinning it the whole while, he struck the closest man on the head, the man went down without a problem. The other two were to socked, to see the previously unsteady man be so grace full, to do more then just stare. Simon did not stop he used his moment and swiped the rod under the smaller man and as he went down he hit him on the head too. That left only one more he was the biggest of the trio._

_Simon spun __around and successfully managed to unarmed the man by whacking him on the wrist almost breaking it the gun went flying the other side of the room. The man got in a boxing stance when Simon swung back to face him. Simon did the same he stared to spin the rod around he then aimed to hit the man on his right side but the thief blocked with his forearms, without missing a beat Simon went to hit him on his left side but the man blocked him again, quickly changing tactics Simon when to jab the man on the face but he man caught the end of the rod with one of his meaty hands , Simon tried pulling it away from the man but the man would not let go, so Simon when around him still holding on to his make shift weapon, the man had no choice but to fallow, when he was behind the man Simon kick out his legs from under him when the man tried to sit up Simon hit him over the head with his staff, the man did not get back up. _

"_Wow, father was right, martial arts dose come in handy" Simon said as he when to pick up the duffel bag with all the jewelry and he added the firefly__ necklace__,__ and the man's guns to before he left he rounded up all three man and tied them up together in the middle of the floor with a sticky note that read "I tried to still and felled miserably" on the leaders forehead. He hummed a happy tune as he went back to the alley to find his sister.

* * *

_

"So, you were the one who stole the jewels and not River" asked an unbelieving Inara

"Well, yes but at the time I was not really thinking strait" Simon answered shyly

"Simon, I knew you had a decent criminal mind " Kaylee gushed to Simon while looking at him with a look of pure admiration

"Don't encourage him" Mal said to Kaylee. For some reason Kaylee found it so funny and bust out laughing

"What in the 'Verse are you laughing' bout?" Mal asked the still laughing Kaylee

"Its just that am starting to think Simon would make a better Captain then you!" Kaylee said, Wash looked a little surprised at Kaylee.

"Sir, I think Kaylee mite have a good idea, after all the doctor's job tend to end in huge pay and no one gets shot" Zoë said without expression. Wash looked at his wife and smiled

"Are we planning to mutiny? We probably shouldn't be planning that while the mutinee is seating right next to you," Wash frowned, "Is mutinee the correct term for the person who is the victim of a mutiny?"

Mal look at his crew and opened and closed his mouth trying to say something but nothing came out before he could say something Jayne growled

"Ya know, crazy didren't get to finish telling us her story" Jayne said to the group he wanted to know what River was up to when Simon interrupted her story telling.

"Jabber, jabber, jabber I ain't listening," Mal said and without pausing continued "Jayne is right we should listed to River, any one says anything more about mutiny and they will get to know the airlock all personal like"

"Thank you, Jayne were was I…" River said trying not to laugh at the thoughts coming from the Captains brain who was imagining interesting way to get rid of annoying mutinying crew.

* * *

_Meanwhile River inspected a bunch of dress shirts and cargo pants, unsure of what size Simon required. She held one up and examined it, trying to fit her brother's proportions into it mentally. It took a second of good mathematical calculations to finally figure on which size would best suit him. After she figured out the size Simon need she graved a nice black pair of cargo pants and a black silk button down shit to go with it. _

"_Will that be all Hun, " Aunty lee asked her as she made her purchases_

"_Yes that will be all" River said_

"_I know you had a bad night sweetheart but how bout I make It better, If you want you and your brother can come to a party, its really private an it takes a lot to get invited and its in the fancy part of Persephone" Mary lee got really close to River and practically whispered "One of my old clients is the owner of Persephone Royal Casino and well, he gave me invitations to a party he is hosting and he gave me and two extra invitation, and I hope you get to come the clothes you just brought will be fine, so tell me you will go" the woman really wanted the girl to go so River said _

"_She will attended" and with that River when to find her brother _

_River found Simon leaning on the alley wall with a duffel bag at his feet_

"_Simon I found clothes and then we can go to a fun party" River said as she got closer to her brother_

"_River I got you a present" Simon said when he saw his sister. When River was in front of him she extended the garments she had just pushed to him and as she did he handed her a little cloth buddle_

"_What is it?" River asked_

"_Just open it" Simon said as he started to change. River turned her back to him and started to open it she was so surprised when she saw what it was the diamond gleamed in the dark alley as if they had there own light and the little silver firefly just shined, River's was about to cry instead she turned and gave her big brother a hug_

"_Thank you, its beautiful I love it, but when did you get it " _

"_Few minutes a go I stole it for you" Simon said _

"_Uh, thanks I guess" River knew that Simon had never stolen anything in his life so it made the bracelet more special as he turn his back to her she changed and continued to tell him about the party they were going to attend._

"_We are attending a social gathering it will be held in Persephone Royal Casino " River said as she and her brother made there way out of the filthy alley. River noticed that Simon had a duffel bag she had not noticed before._

"_What is in the bag" River asked _

"_Stolen jewelry " Simon answered calmly. River gave her brother a side glance_

_"I am starting to believe Captain Daddy is rubbing off on you" River said as they were crossing the deserted street before Simon could answer a police cruiser came around an it flashed there light's at them. The siblings froze like deer in head lights. Two police officers came out with guns drawn._

"_Don't move" one said as they got closer and pulled River and Simon and made them put there hands on the hood of the police car as they search them._

"_Don't you dare try anything"_

_Officer Ackerman said as he put the duffel bag between them on the hood an open it reveling jewels _

"_You are suspected in the robbery of Angelo's Jewels, an if this is not evidence I don't know what is" his partner Officer Adair told the prisons as he handcuffed them. He got them off the hood and lead the to the back of the car to put them in the passenger seats_

"_We are so getting a promotion" Adair said to Ackerman _

_River was mad, but she was already working on getting her hands in front of her it was a little difficult getting her feet through her linked arms but she manage. Simon had a little more trouble fallowing his sisters example since he was no were near as flexible as she was, but with a little help from her he got his hands in front of him. Both where surprised that there jailers did not noticed anything, but the officers were to busy discussing what they were going to do with there bonus that came with a promotion they were sure to get for catching the thieves of one of __Persephone __biggest jewelery stores. _

_River signal to her brother and once she got his attention mouthed the words _**play along**_. Simon looked at her and thought at her _**What? **_River mouthed the words _**fake fight! **

"_I cant leave you alone for a couple of minutes without you getting in trouble!" River said with much venom as she could _

"_Don't you dare blame this on me you are the one who wanted a fun party" Simon answered back eagerly _

"_Would you two shut up! You can fight all you want once we are at the station" said Officer Adair he was already getting headache_

"_Mother was right you are a bad influence on me, brother" River said the word brother was if it was and insult _

"_Well you know what sister at lest Dad loves me" Simon said with the same tone _

"_That is it one of you is going on the front" Officer Adair said as both officers opened Rivers door she kicked them in the chest sending them back a couple of steps causing them to trip and fall Simon and River got off and run into the darken alleys_

"_Wait I forgot something" Simon yelled to his sister as he turned back. When he got to the cruiser the officer where getting back up Simon kicked them in the head sending them back down he got the duffel bag of jewels and when after his sister._

_Six blocks and many streets later Simon and River were trying to cache there breath_

"_Well that was fun, but what are we to do about our restraints " River asked her brother noticing he was reaching into the duffel bag_

"_We can shoot them off" Simon said as he pulled a gun out of the bag_

"_Simon know I am sure you are inebriated that is not a good idea, the change of it working without injure is 59.25%" River said looking at her brother worryingly _

"_It will work but you have to do it you are good at all that mathematical stuff " Simon said handing her the Gun _

"_You are correct if I do it chance of success is 95.48%" River told her brother as she took the gun from him. Simon stretched his hand the farthest the would go and looked the other way as River pointed the gun about two inches away from the chain at a 45 degree angle a pulled the trigger. The chained snapped the bullet ricocheted from it and almost hit Simon._

"_Wow that was close, now your turn" Simon said taking the gun away from River_

_River helped her brother prepare the shot and looked away making sure she was nowhere near were the bullet mite ricochet from. This time the bullet flew in the opposite direction _

"_So, were was this party we got invited to" asked Simon as he rubbed his sore wrist. River handed him the invitation and said_

"_As our great captain would say "In the fancyfied part of this here rock"" it was kind of eerie how much like the captain she sounded.

* * *

_

"I still can figure out is who is the evil genius here?" Wash said the moment River had paused

"Wait you went to Sir. Metternich, the rich tycoon who has casinos in very planet in the vers, party no even I got an invitation to, and you to got them from some ex-prostitute!" a little angry Inara said trying hard not to seem too jealous.

"Wow, River you went to a party not even Inara could go to" Kaylee said in amazement

"Lets worry about the stolen jewels and not some fancy shindig " Mal said trying not to sound smug about Inara not getting to go.

"So, that explains the handcuffs and the jewelry" Jayne said looking at River's wrists

"Sir, should we not be worrying about the arrest getting aback to the Alliance " Zoë said stoic as ever

"No, it wont the officers never put it on the cortex so technically we never were apprehended" Simon said trying to ignore the interesting looks the crew were giving him.

"Hey, they already caught they guys who robbed the Jewelry store" Wash said looking at his portable cortex "It says they caught three but a fourth one got away with the jewels " Wash said still reading "they are calling it a robbery gone wrong, the police think the fourth thief turn on his buddies and got away with the bounty…."Wash stopped middle of his sentence as he laughed so much he almost fell of his chair.

"What is it this time" Mal asked trying not to sound to annoyed.

"They would be thieves were found tied in the middle of the floor with a sticky note confession stuck to there foreheads and later while being interrogated they all descried there attacker differently but they seem to agree he was as a very muscular man that stood at 7 feet tall and he had a very big gun, are you sure it was you Simon" Wash said trying to imagine Simon looking like that description.

"Hey, people don't need to be giants to be intimating" Simon indignantly

"Simon, why did you not tell us you knew martial arts" Kaylee asked Simon randomly pointing out to the rest the part of the story Simon hoped they missed. Simon was the center of attention of the crew every one looked expectantly at him.

"Yea, Doc I wanna hear more about your father's idea of disciplined" Wash said to Simon

"Inara you don't look surprised at this here development" Mal said noticing that Inara did not even blink twice when Simon was re-telling the story

"Is not uncommon in the core for fathers making there sons take some kind of martial-arts to show them discipline, but it is uncommon for them to start them so young or to make them continue after reaching 14." Inara said looking at Simon making sure she did not have anything wrong .

"Yea, my father believed that in order for someone to really learn something they have to have the proper motivation, and pain is a great motivator" Simon said coldly to the know quite crew of course Jayne had to say something

"Do you still have the Beretta I kind of want to see it?" Jayne said sincerely

"Yes, it is in the bag you can have it i don't really care for firearms my self" Simon answered

"So what happen at the party" Mal asked trying to ignore the squeak of excitement that his big scary mercenary made when he saw the gun

* * *

so that was it i hope you liked it and i will try to update sooner but no garantees

sorry i forgot to add this: Washe's line about mutiny came from another fanfic I can't remember which one so if anyone can please tell me so i can give the author credit

In the immortal word of Jack Benny "I only steal from the best.".___  
_


	5. Chapter 5

So sorry for the delay i had some strange things happend an well somethings best left unmention an hope some people still want to read this i just have been so busy but don't worry i wont disappear like that again

* * *

"Simon, try and concentrate, where did you get the bags of money from, and more importantly form who?" Mal asked after Jayne had settled in a corner to admire his new weapon. Mal watched Simon closely as Simon thought back to last night

"At..the party… Yea, I got the money from the party," Simon closed his eye's trying his hardest to remember, flashes of light and sound came to him in glimpse "Someone shot at me!" Simon exclaimed to Mal.

Inara gasped , "Simon are you saying you took the money form the casino?" Inara asked Simon in a quiet but serious tone, before Simon could answerer her, River spoke

"We did not steal…We borrowed without the intention of returning," River looked at everyone's shocked faces.

Kaylee looked at her and asked "Why?"

"Because there's nothing in the world as good as being really, really bad, isn't that right Captain Daddy" River said giving Mal a conspiratorial wink and smirk.

Inara looked at Rive who had her arms wrapped around her knees, her hands folded, she looked as innocent as an angel, except for the mischievous smile on her face.

"Do you know who the owner of the casino is ?" Inara asked the crew. When she received no answerer she continued.

"Well, the owner is Ivan Mikhail Metternich Von Gorbachev, he is a casino owner and that is putting it lightly he owns at least forty different casinos all over the vers, and some say he is a major player in the organize crime scene" Inara said looking at the gather crew

" Wait, you mean Mikhail Gorbachev as in "Gorbachev the butcher" said Zoë looking at Inara, she was surprised that the companion knew of such man

"Well yes' Inara said trying to ignore Mal's disapproving glances.

"There is a only 12.325% chance .that Simon and I would be caught or suspected of the crime " River said when she felt the Captains brain patters get agitated.

"How can you be so sure, Crazy" asked Jayne, Jayne knew man like Gorbachev did not care if they hurt little girls to get what they wanted especially if they were insulted.

"Because, Simon drugged them with Dimethyltryptamine, so she is sure they won't remember, her or Simon, or anything that happen " Simon looked surprised

"I did what!?" Simon yelled "Do you know what DMT does to people"

"isn't a potent psychedelic drug, that makes you hallucinate taking mushroom and makes you want to eat anything with in reach but, then what ever you want to eat starts pleading for its not-exciting life but you do anyway than you get so guilty for eating it that you hold a funeral and memory service for a sandwich named Bob you just ate." Wash said caching his breath after that. Simon looked at him as said

"What?!" Simon said

"So that has never happened to you?" Asked a serious Wash

"No, Has it happened to you?" Simon said wondering about Wash not for the firs time

"Nope, just saying "Wash answered with a shrug

"Oh OK…Well some of the affects of the drug are hallucinations, lost of memory, and many other things, there is no permanent damaged but it screws you the fuck up" Simon did noticed he just cussed for the second time that anyone could recall.

"I don't care but if some else dose something that makes me think you are a evil replacement I will start shooting " Mal said

"How do you go to a party, still money from the mob, drug people, then go and have some more fun, without getting caught, but I get band for life from the Stop & GO in Santos, because I decided to put one smallish sock puppet show " Wash said Ignoring the interesting looks people where now giving him even his wife.

Simon lean towards River and whispered "Did I drug Wash?" River looked at Wash and said "Negative"

_______________________________________________________________________________________

_The siblings were surprised when the arrived at the address in the invitation, they did not expect a mansion/castle, but what really was interesting was the fact that it was full of people having a good time and the floor vibrated with the music that seem to be coming from everywhere. River felt the crowds brain waves three blocks before she even saw the mansion ._

"_Wow" was the only thing Simon could say as he handed the man at the entrance his invitation. River could not reply she was busy trying to figure out how to block all the others thoughts that where coming at her from everywhere. Simon's only thoughts where on how the "Private Party"was more of a night club instead of a mansion the party was supposed to be at. _

"_No, we are in the right location" River screamed into Simon ear "What!!" Simon said unable to hear her sister over the music. River did not answered just dragged her brother who seemed hypnotized by the strobe lights.  
_

_Simon fallowed River with some difficultly as woman kept rubbing up against him trying to get him to dance or waiters tried to give him more alcohol by the time he reached River, who was talking to very striking blond, he had seen some weird sites and was wondering what kind of party this was. _

"_This is my brother" River introduced Simon to Mary lee as he came up besides her and for some reason he looked lost and confused._

"_Well aren't you a looker" Mary lee said as she looked at Simon from head to toes and liked what she saw. River tried not to noticed where Lee's thoughts were heading but it was hard. River faked cough to get Mary's attention _

"_Thank you for inviting us " River said _

"_It was no problem sweetie, but am glad I did since I got to meet this lovely man " Mary said as she got rather close for Simon's comfort. "We should go to a more private setting if you will fallow me I show you to the real party" Mary purred at Simon _

"_Ok" was all Simon said to the blond who was getting very close to him River just fallowed behind them as Mary lead them to a set of closed door that where guarded by a pair of rather large man._

_Mary lee walked right up to them and whispered something to them the men said nothing as the open the doors for the three of them. On the other side of the door was an even bigger party then the one they just left. If that was possible. It was like whole mansion on the other side, there was even a indoor pool at one end of the room and on the other there was a dance floor. River was trying to keep up with Aunty__ Mary as she talked and walked towards the bar that was in one side of the room, River was glad this room did not have the strove lights the other did it was far less disorientating. Mary placed and order and then dragged them to a booth and the siblings sat and before Simon could say anything Mary Lee sat on his lap_

"_Hon, I can tell you take life to seriously and I am going to change that by the end of the night" Simon was speechless he did not know what to say to the blond's promise "I'll g-go gget the drinks" Simon stuttered as he freed him self from the bosomy blond . As the two girls were left alone Mary looked at River _

"_You brother is not sly right?" She asked River could barely keep her laughter down _

"_No he is just a boob" she said_

_____________________________________________________________  
_

"Wow, Simon, maybe you and Jayne should compare note on how to get a hookers attention" Kaylee interrupted the story as she looked accusingly at Simon

"She was an just a friend and her name is Mary Lee and she is not a hooker" said Simon

"They did not have sexual intercourse" River said in response to Kaylee's angry thoughts

"Ahh, little albatross, don't say that as far as I know you don't know what that means" Mal said to the youngest member of his crew. River ignored the Captain as she continued after all how could she missed an excuse to embarrass her brother it is after all her sisterly duty

"Well, at lest I don't think he did with Aunty Mary but am not sure about ?" River said as she counted of on her fingers "Chastity, Roxy, Crystal, Raven, Terri, Sky or those Twins, What were there names?" For some reason Simon said "Brandy and Whisky"

Jayne could not believe his ears

"Ya actually met some stripers named Brandy and Whisky. Wow they must of cost you a pretty penny" Jayne said to Simon who was thinking about something really hard

"They where of duty, so to speak, they liked Simon they thought he was adorable,

"Who could resist the smartish sexiness?" Kalee said acidly as she shot daggers at Simon who was looking confused as ever. Zoë could barely keep the laughter out of her voice as she said

"Doc, I did not know you were such a ladies man"

"Hey River why don't you tell them about Ricky, Merlin, Bobby, Gabe. Mike and lets no forget about Andy and it was not my idea to go the stripper party I wanted to stay and play more cards with Joey the bartender." For some reason the mention of River and some hundangs made Jayne angry and something hurt in his chest but he made sure not show any one the pain he felt It must be something he ate he reason as he looked at he young woman sitting by her brother.

* * *

i know its short but i just got my computer an all my files were gone so i had to start form scratch. i will work hard to have another chatper up before Friday i promise.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the delay but i just got my first job and i had not have time to writte and also my brain was dead for a while. i will try to up date as soon as possible

this is not beta so all mistakes are mine and mine alone, and tank you for reading

i own nothing

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Ch 6

"_Are you sure your brother is not sly I made that mistake before" Mary asked River ,who was trying very hard not to laugh._

"_Yes, I am positive about my brothers sexual preferences " River said as she saw her brother coming towards her with there drinks._

"_River after this drink we have to go we are almost out of credits " Simon said trying to ignore the blonds advances._

"_Why, its barely eleven o'clock?" River yelled at Simon over the music that was playing. _

"_River we don't have any more money we barely have enough to get use back to Serenity as it is " Simon told his sister as he sat next to her and as far away from Mary as physically possible. River thought for a second when the perfect plan came to mind. _

"_We could triple what we have!" River tried to say but her words were swallowed by the music and Simon pointed to his ears to indicate that he had not heard her. She scan the club to find a quite place but did not find one, Mary noticed an made the siblings fallow her to a booth. As Simon and River fallowed they did not see how moving to a booth was going to change anything but as they sat down Mary pulled a glass sliding door that cut the sound as if someone turned it off._

"_Sound proof for the more **intimate **meetings " Mary purred in Simon ear as she slipped in next to him.  
_

"_So what did you want to say to me River " Simon squirmed and tired to ignore Mary's lushes lips brushing his ear. _

"_We could triple our money if you played some poker" River told her brother. _

_Mary who had been listing to the siblings trouble decided to help _

"_We could go to Persephone Royal Casino, after all this is the owners party he threw it to celebrate the opening of a new Casino in Barbados. You could probably win some money if you have any luck at the tables, this is the pre party the real shindig is at the Casino. You and your sister can ride with me to it" Mary said looking rather expectantly at Simon.  
_

"_Thank you, but I am not a gambling man." Simon answered as politely as he could._

"_Would you leave us a for a minute to discus it, Aunty" River interrupted Simon as sweetly as possible,_

"_Well sure sweetie, I hope you change his mind I hopped to have more time with him."she slid the door open the sound came crashing in. Mary said something but it was lost in the music._

"_Simon we are are going" River said simply in a voice that left no room for discussion._

"_River, we are flat out broke we don't have the money we used to, the Alliance took it. The money we spend tonight was most of the money I saved from my meager savings from the "jobs" Mal dose" Simon said this was the most Sober had been since the night started._

_River felt sad at what he said she could not helped to feel responsible for the fact that her brother had to give up his comfortable life for her sake, that's why she wanted a Birthday party that Simon could enjoy also. _

"_Simon you were known as the Poker King, and Father showed off your skill to his friends all the time, your cold calculating,bastard,when it comes to poke. And your are merciless when it come to taking somebody for all there worth and of course you have an ace in the hole" River smiled as her brother processed the information _

"_And what would that be?" He asked his sister. _

"_You have a mind reading geniuses who loves you every much" River said as she kisses her brother cheek _

"_There is no way we wont walk away rich" Simon said trying to convince himself more then River. _

_"Did you know that the owner pay's a very hefty bribe to the __Alliance__, so they ignore some of his more illegal dealings? Wouldn't you like to get back at them for what they have done to us?" River said._

_"Of course is my right to have vengeance, an i am a traditionalist after all!"__  
_

_Just as they finish Mary walked in carrying more drinks._

"_So, are you guys in" _

"_Well I guess" Simon said _

"_Well let toast to a night to remember" Mary said as the trio raised there dirks and toasted to luck and a happy night._

_

* * *

_

"So when do the strippers come in all this?" asked Wash as he looked over at the siblings

"After we stole the money actually" River said.

"Of course, wait in all this were was the duffel full of jewels?" Asked Zoë

"Well, here" said River like if she was talking to a slow child.

Simon closed his eyes and thought back"We came back to change clothes before hading out again because what we had was not dignified enough. River had to hack into Serenity security system to open the door because we did not want to wake anyone up" Simon said as he remember stumbling through the ship trying to be quiet but failing.

"How come nobody heard us. We were not very quiet", Simon said wondering for the first time what the crew was up to the night before.

"Unlike some folks, we were working, an did not get in till 2:00 A.M" Mal said.

"An you did not noticed we were not here?" Simon said to Kaylee, as he tired to act like it did not hurt his feeling that Kaylee did not noticed his absence.

"Don't you give me that Mister" Kaylee said to Simon "You'll has out having fun and doing god knows what with some cheap traps"

"I did not think I need to baby-sit my crew" was the only responses the captain could come up with as he watched his Mechanic chewing out the doctor.

River smelled a curl of her hair and realized it smelled like cigar smoke, booze, and she rather not think of how long she had gone without a shower.

"I need a shower" she said no one in particular, she doubter anyone would hear her over Simon and Kaylee argument. Watching his sister leave Simon smelled himself self-consciously and almost fainted he smelled like the floor of a very unclean bar.

"Please, hurry I need one to" Simon yelled but River was already half way to the bathroom.

River graved the first towel in the linen locker as she passed it in her way to the bathroom. She took off her top and wondered for a second if she should keep it, but decided to get rid off it God only knew how many people were looking for some girl wearing it. As she started to take off her bra she found 6 playing cards, 4 poker chips valued about 10,000 credits each, a ruby ring an a napkin with cortex lines written in shaky writing, and origami flower with coordinates written on it, all stuffed in it.

The first question to pop into her head was how she did not noticed before and the second was why would she start to use her bra as a purse?. On other occasion River would wonder how dose thing got inside her bra but today seem to be a day were anything was just not strange enough, she left them on top of her clothing and pulled back the shower door to get in but was stopped by the baby white tiger that was using the tub as its bed.

"Ok, that is strange" River said to the empty room. She did not want to inconvenience the crew with this after all the surprises that they had today so she just picked up the cub, who's fur was so soft she could not help but to rub her cheek on it's fur.

"Were did I acquired you, was it at the zoo?" River said to the cub in a baby voice. She made a litter for it out some towels and preceded to take a hot shower that left her pink an feeling rejuvenated. As she was wrapping her self in the towel she realized she graved the smallest one, it only came to her mid-thigh. But it was okay she doubted she would run in to any of the crew. She put her hair in a bun and put the things that were once in her bra in little bag someone left behind. In one arm she had the cub and in the other she had the bag. She was humming a happy little song as she made her way to her room she could not wait to get into her own room, but once she opened the door to her room she could not believe what was in her bed everything that had occurred today seem normal to the vision that was in her bed.

It was a man he was as tall, maybe an inch sorter then Jayne but just as muscular, square shoulders and a well defined six pack, he had longish blond hair that seem to shine in the dim light of River's room his skin was just as pale and smooth. His features were sharp with an angular jaw line. He was handsome no way to deny that but it the pretty boy type handsome but the thing that really unsettle Rivers was the fact he seem to be naked, the only thing that keep her from seeing more of this man then she had ever seen of anyone was the her sheets that were wrapped around his waist and left the rest of his body uncovered. She did the only thing she could think of, she slammed the door closed and screamed.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh" she reached in to the stranger's thought but he was to deep in sleep for his thoughts to make any sense at all but she could tell he was a very heavy sleeper. She heard the crews running footsteps getting closer. Mal was the first to get there with Jayne and Zoë not to far behind and the rest of the crew after them.

"What the hell is all this scream… what is that thing in your arms?" Mal asked his Co-pilot as he saw her.

"Snow ball had nothing to do with her screaming the thing in there is at fault!" River said pointing to her room's door everyone but Jayne, who was to busy noticing how small the towel was, fallowed her finger.

Jayne was too focused on River's towel clad body to noticed the baby tiger much less what she was point at. He could still see drops of water clinging to her alabaster skin and the way she picked up her hair made her neck seem longer and more sexual then usual. The tiny towel barely covered anything in only came to mid-thigh he was behind her if she was to bend over he would she more of her then any man especially him had any right to see. Then he noticed her shiver of course she would be cold he thought and with out saying anything he went into the laundry room an got his jacket that he left there last time and handed it to her. River seem surprise at Jayne's thoughtfulness.

"Thank you, Jayne" She said to him looking at him with her big innocent brown eyes,

"Don't mentioned it,little dahlin' " Jayne said with an easy smile an a wink.

River blushed at his wink and smile and could hardly believe he did it.

During all this Zoë had moved to open the door with one hand while her other hand held her mare's leg as she put her head in the door and turn the light on.

For as long as Mal's had known Zoë all through the war and after, he had never heard the noise she made as she looked at him after slowly closing the door that kept everyone from seeing what was inside. She squealed like a teenage girl and mumbled something about "not possible can't be" Zoë rubbed her eye's to make sure her eyes were working all right.

"What's wrong" Mal asked his second in command. Instead of answering she graved Inara and said

"Inara look in there and tell me _who_ do you see?" Inara was scared since she had never seen Zoë act like this. Inara open the door and looked at the stranger that had Zoë acting so strange. Inara peeked in the room and she also squealed and closed the door."It can't be him, maybe a impersonator, " Inara said trying to be reasonable.

"The only way anyway anyone could looked that much like someone is if they are twins and he also has the tattoo, you noticed it right" all Inara could do was nodded her head.

Curiosity was getting the best of Kaylee and Wash, they inched there way to the door and when everyone's attention was distracted by Zoe's and Inara sequels and whispers, Kaylee open the door an took a look inside. Kaylee skipped a breath. She turned to Wash and silently pointed at the sleeping man.

Wash actually squealed as he took of hold of one of Kaylee's hands then slowly closed the door as if the man mite disappear if he made to much noise. Kaylee, Wash, Zoë and Inara all looked at each other with knowing glances they all nodded there heads and broke out in squeals an fast whispers that were getting louder every second. Simon was growing inpatient the whole time so he did the only thing he could, he put his fingers to his mouth and let out a ear shattering whistle, everyone got quite, and looked at Simon in surprised

"What are your, Construction worker?" Mal said to the strange Doctor, "But thanks. I don't think I could handle any more squealing" As the group was quite the rest took the opportunity to have a look at there mysterious guest.

They were surprised at the fact that there was an unknown man in there ship but they did not know who it was or why the others were acting as if Books fuzzy God was in the room. Simon was even more angry and the expecting looks, the little group that seem to know who the strangers was, were not helping him or the rest of the crew figure who it was, and nobody wanted to admit they did not know what everyone seem to know. Simon was the brave one who was willing to ask the question

"Who is the man and why is he naked in River's Room?" Simon asked the group in general.

Wash, Zoë, Inara, and Kaylee all looked shocked at such a stupid question and gave the group of uninformed people a look of bewilderment as if they just asked what a pencil was. They said in at the same time.

"What the hell you mean, Who is that Man?" the Doctor, Captain, Mercenary, and Physic all Jumped back a step at the reaction of the girls.

River really did not care who the man was all she could think about was of how Jayne's jacket seem to protect her from not just the chill but also from everyone's thoughts and feeling, she could find out who the man was by simply looking into Zoë's mind but she was glad that she had a choice and she decided not to look. An also she was far happier that Captains Daddy was more focus on the stranger than on her and her new pet, the cub she named Snowball. Jayne was to focused on River's and her pet's action to worry about anything else.

Wash got in the middle of the two groups and decided to answer Simon's Second question before somebody got hit.  
"Come on, Simon, Man that looks like that with a young girl, What do you think happened? " That brought every ones attention to the fact the man was very much naked an in River's room. A flash of jealousy from the female crew members that River did not even seem to have noticed. Jayne actually growled at the insinuation that Wash had made.  
Simon and the Captain looked confused for a few minutes before they got what Wash said.  
"NO! River she…She would not…I mean" Simon stuttered and Captain was at lost for word witch surprised the crew more.

River's head snapped toward Jayne at his sudden anger and jealousy that seem to radiate from him the moment Wash said his suspicions. She decided to look in his head to fine the source of his sudden unhappiness when she found that he thought she had sexual intercourse with the man in her room , she had the sudden urge to cry and said out loud:  
"She had never had sexual intercourse!" River said to Jayne and the rest of the crew.  
They all turned to look at her and for the first time really noticed what was in her arms

"Is that a baby tiger in your arms." Asked Inara with confusion coloring her words trying to say something in the silence that had gather after River's little outburst.

"Affirmative " River said without looking at the companion. Inara noticed something silver shining from the little tigers neck, as Inara got closer to check it turned out to have a collar.

"River, this cub dose not belong to you were did you get it, Honey?" asked the companion as she checked it.

"Do not recall were snowball was attain" River meekly mumbled back. Inara did not hear River's answer she was too busy processing the name in the tag to hear anything.

"It really is him, there is no other way to explained it !! He is the only one to have a genetically modified tiger cub. " Inara said to Zoe, Wash, and Kaylee who had been getting closer to her when they noticed her looking for a tag.

"What!!" Mal yelled at he strange words "He is the only person to have a tiger that won't ever grow it will forever be a baby tiger also it is one of the last white tigers that is not frozen" Wash said as if it was common knowledge.

"_Owner:Valentine,Villane _

_ name: nightmare_

_if found please returned to 1578 south Rivera, Persephone_"

Inara read the inscription out loud for everyone to hear. The rest of the group still had no idea who it was.

"That is it!! you will tell me who is using Rivers room as there own right know" Mal yelled to the group that was huddle around the dog-tag as if it was the holy grail .

"I still don't know how you can not know who he is? do you live under a rock or something?" Inara said back with all her dignity

"She is right captain, he has only been in like 28 films" Kaylee said"Won Sexiest man alive 5 years running "Wash continued right after Kaylee "Also won Mister Universe back when he was 19 "Kaylee said again. "He is also the fourth richest man alive" Inara said and not wanting to be left out of the group Zoe said "He has one of the most recognizable faces and bodies of the Vers ask any woman who there dream man is and they will say"Zoe, Inara ,Kaylee, and Wash all said at the same time "Valentine Villane "

"You all forgot i was also a boxing chap the year before I stated acting" Valentine said from Rivers door way only dressed in a pair of unbutton jeans he looked like the forgotten God of Sexiness. the admiring group about feinted at the sight.

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So am back from the dead sorry again, but life hunted me down and gave me a job ( my first ever) i will update as soon as possible. thank you so much for reviewing again and hope some are still intesting on where my brain is heading with this


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